Adam can't move. He can't think. All he can do is watch, from some horrible part of his mind as the image of his best friend slides against the car windshield, cracked and soaked by rain. He's distantly aware of the airbag deflating, just in time to watch as Ronan scrambles to scrape the boy from his hood. Then there's water, and Adam realizes that he's out of the car. Was this what it was like, when he walked twenty miles, not remembering a thing until having a phone pressed to his ear outside of the Pentagon?
No. It's not the same, because he can still remember beyond this moment. A part of him is still screaming, begging for Cabeswater to fix this, or at least protect him from...from what? The damage has been done already. From himself? But now Cabeswater is blessedly, horrifyingly silent.
There's blood, so much blood. On the car, on Ronan and Blue. But none on him. Why isn't there any blood on him? was he the only one not hurt? Why are Gansey and Blue even here in the first place, and then everything starts connecting. They'd been waiting for him. Adam was coming to get them and they were right there. He hadn't been paying attention, and now....
Now.
He'd hit Gansey. Gansey was depending on him and he- "Oh my god. Oh, fuck. Fuck." His vision recedes, things appearing smaller, and he realizes, somewhat late, that his legs are moving back, stepping away from the gore against his will.
"Gansey?" He looks right. Shattered glass and a dented hood, crumpled with the force of a person meeting it at a high speed. So that's what it looks like. He doesn't look again. "Gansey, get up. This isn't funny anymore, we have to-" his throat tightens. He can't breath, he- He's on the floor now. The rain tastes like salt, peculiarly warm. And they're still there, Blue and Ronan, covered in blood. Gansey, limp and painfully still. He can't-
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Date: 2015-03-19 02:48 am (UTC)No. It's not the same, because he can still remember beyond this moment. A part of him is still screaming, begging for Cabeswater to fix this, or at least protect him from...from what? The damage has been done already. From himself? But now Cabeswater is blessedly, horrifyingly silent.
There's blood, so much blood. On the car, on Ronan and Blue. But none on him. Why isn't there any blood on him? was he the only one not hurt? Why are Gansey and Blue even here in the first place, and then everything starts connecting. They'd been waiting for him. Adam was coming to get them and they were right there. He hadn't been paying attention, and now....
Now.
He'd hit Gansey. Gansey was depending on him and he- "Oh my god. Oh, fuck. Fuck." His vision recedes, things appearing smaller, and he realizes, somewhat late, that his legs are moving back, stepping away from the gore against his will.
"Gansey?" He looks right. Shattered glass and a dented hood, crumpled with the force of a person meeting it at a high speed. So that's what it looks like. He doesn't look again. "Gansey, get up. This isn't funny anymore, we have to-" his throat tightens. He can't breath, he- He's on the floor now. The rain tastes like salt, peculiarly warm. And they're still there, Blue and Ronan, covered in blood. Gansey, limp and painfully still. He can't-