Blue stays entirely silent on the ride over. She's getting angrier and angrier, and it's causing everything else to be far too heightened. Everything cuts like knives, and yet again she gets no say in how anything is going to happen, even though it affects her directly. She feels very much like she is done with these boys when this is over and done with. The two in the front seat, at the very least.
They arrive at the Barns, and Blue's out of the car, letting go of Adam. The minute she realizes Kavinsky is going to stand in her way, she glares at him. She can't even absolve the vision of Gansey dead in her head because Ronan wants to wake him up. Her jaws clench so hard her teeth ache. She just wants to break things, and Blue doesn't break things.
"Get me when he's awake." She can't stand to be in the same room as Kavinsky, even less so Ronan. She hates them, in that moment. She storms out of Ronan's house and heads for the nearest barn, where a herd of sleeping cattle were. The skies looked threatening, and matched Blue's mood to a T. She's angry.
The minute she's alone in the barn, though, she loses it. She leans into a wall, near one of the cows that was just there, breathing slowly, warm and comfortable and dry, a dream thing as much as that Gansey was. But she kissed him. He knew her and she loved him and he's gone now, and Blue curls into a ball and sobs alone. She can't break down like this in front of them, not now. They were bastards and not to be trusted again. Out on a limb, and she thought this was all fated and she was meant to have them in her life, but this was unforgivable.
She leans her side into the wall of the barn, tucking in against the cow, and she lets herself feel every ounce of it. Gansey would be awake soon. She needed to not do this in front of him, but her heart shatters into pieces. She folds entirely in on herself and lets it all hit her as hard as it's going to, and it's agony, and she has to do it alone. Then she has to be okay with it. Because the Gansey in there is still alive.
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Date: 2015-03-22 02:43 am (UTC)They arrive at the Barns, and Blue's out of the car, letting go of Adam. The minute she realizes Kavinsky is going to stand in her way, she glares at him. She can't even absolve the vision of Gansey dead in her head because Ronan wants to wake him up. Her jaws clench so hard her teeth ache. She just wants to break things, and Blue doesn't break things.
"Get me when he's awake." She can't stand to be in the same room as Kavinsky, even less so Ronan. She hates them, in that moment. She storms out of Ronan's house and heads for the nearest barn, where a herd of sleeping cattle were. The skies looked threatening, and matched Blue's mood to a T. She's angry.
The minute she's alone in the barn, though, she loses it. She leans into a wall, near one of the cows that was just there, breathing slowly, warm and comfortable and dry, a dream thing as much as that Gansey was. But she kissed him. He knew her and she loved him and he's gone now, and Blue curls into a ball and sobs alone. She can't break down like this in front of them, not now. They were bastards and not to be trusted again. Out on a limb, and she thought this was all fated and she was meant to have them in her life, but this was unforgivable.
She leans her side into the wall of the barn, tucking in against the cow, and she lets herself feel every ounce of it. Gansey would be awake soon. She needed to not do this in front of him, but her heart shatters into pieces. She folds entirely in on herself and lets it all hit her as hard as it's going to, and it's agony, and she has to do it alone. Then she has to be okay with it. Because the Gansey in there is still alive.