safe_as_life | (no subject)

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gansey noooo

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The rain starts early in the day, pouring down on Henrietta in sheets. It's the kind of rain that tends to keep people inside, but mostly they're just glad it isn't snow anymore. Spring is approaching quickly and this kind of rainfall is definitely the first sign of it. Gansey doesn't mind that it rains all day long, from first period to last.

It distracts him some, makes him feel nostalgic for things he can't quite put his finger on, and then worried for those same reasons. Then again, he's been a lot more distracted at school lately, not able to concentrate or pick up on his studies as much as usual. He wonders if it has to do with his anticipation to see Blue, because even now, that's all he's thinking about. Rain, the Camaro, Blue Sargent. Somewhere in the back of his head he's constantly thinking about Ronan too, but he supposes that's what best friends do.

By the time the last bell rings though, it's all about Blue. He certainly isn't going to let the rain stop him. Dinner, a movie, possibly sleeping over tonight. Yes, he definitely wants to ask her to sleep over tonight. He grabs his books and neatly puts them away, then goes to meet up with Ronan, Adam and Kavinsky by the front entrance. He has a good feeling about tonight.

Gansey practically races out of his last class, waving when he sees his friends, smiling as he hoists his bag over his shoulder. "Can you believe this rain? All day. Roads must be slippery."

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Gansey feels the knot in his throat grow bigger and he knows they're all dealing with their own pain and hurt and everything else, but he suddenly feels like he's being punished. He got knocked out, and he woke up to turmoil, and all his friends hating each other. And Ronan not wanting to come back home.

"You'll come back though, right? We have school, and... all your stuff is there," he says, and it sounds lame, but he's holding on to everything he can. "Chainsaw and Blowtorch?" He wants to say that they all need to sit down and talk about this, but it's too soon. He knows it's too soon, but he's determined not to let this drag on.

He looks at Kavinsky imploringly. "Monmouth is your home. Both of your homes. You don't have to stay here the whole time, alright? Just... take a few days if you want, let things settle, but come home."

The psychics. He wonders what they'll have to say. He's scared to find out.

"I'll be by to get my bird." When no one is home. Ronan doesn't want to risk running into anyone else. He doesn't want to have to try to make small talk or have someone look at him expectantly as if he would say something to make it better. As if he gives a shit about school right now.

Ronan can't look at Gansey right then. He knows he'll cave and go back with them just to make him happy. To make him stop looking like he does right then.

"Go see the psychics, Gansey. Today. Go."

"Ronan, please," Gansey says, wishing he knew what else to say. He doesn't want to force Ronan though and he knows Kavinsky wont either. He hates this. He hates that his prophecies, his life, has torn everyone apart like this. He wishes nothing had been done. He'd rather live out the remainder of his life with them all as friends, getting along, being together, then having it all be like this. The first time his life was saved, Noah died. Now his life might be saved again, and their friendships are being torn apart. He feels useless.

"Alright. I'll go, but... when you come back to Monmouth, please let me know. I want to see you both," he tells them, so they know. He's angry at the situation, at the fact that Blue was hurt and Adam looks like he was torn apart, but he understands where Ronan was coming from as well, and he wishes Ronan would see that, instead of trying to shut him out. Adam and Blue see dream Gansey as just as real as he was, and Gansey feels like Ronan might have as well, because he feels like he's being very dismissed right now, even though he did nothing wrong. "I'll call you tonight, alright? I'll call Kavinsky, if your phone isn't on."

Ronan rubbed his hands over his face and then over the stubble on his head. Gansey is like a puppy. It is impossible to be upset with him or stay upset with him. He doesn't say anything else. Taking a few steps he grabs Gansey by the arm and pulls him into a hug. A tight hug and he keeps him there, not saying a word.

Relief floods through him when Ronan hugs him. He doesn't even need to say anything, but just this, this is good. This is Ronan giving him something more than anger, and it gives Gansey hope. He hugs Ronan back tightly, one hand on his back, the other cradling the back of his head. "Thank you."

He doesn't let go quickly. Ronan had seen him die today. While he knew it was a dream thing it still scared him about the what ifs. What if Gansey really did die? What if this didn't work? He couldn't feel that pain again and have it be real. Ronan presses his face against Gansey's shoulder and stays there. "I'm sorry."

Gansey doesn't really want to let go either, so he doesn't. He holds Ronan there and gives comfort as well as takes it. He can only imagine the turmoil going on inside of Ronan, especially if he had to see him die. "Just don't crawl inside yourself, Ronan. I'm here. We're all here. They just need some time. It's all fresh. I want you around though, alright? You're my friend. My best friend. You're my brother."

When they do pull apart there will be spots on Gansey's shoulders from the stupid tears he couldn't stop. His best friend. His brother. He wished everyone else could understand just what Gansey meant to him. He meant doing everything that everyone else would hate him for if it meant saving his life. Ronan had never told him, the words never felt right coming out, but he loved him. Not like he loves K, but love no less. "They can hate me for the rest of my life as long as your alive."

"They wont hate you, Ronan. They wont. And I don't." Sure, things got a little crazy and he knows he should be mad about being drugged, but seeing Ronan here like this, he can't be mad. All he wants to do is make sure he's alright. He loves Ronan too, so very much. "I know you did this for me, they know it too. They'll thank you later. Just give it time."

"Okay." He didn't know what else to say. "I'll give it time."

Gansey hugs Ronan again, squeezing him. "Are you sure you two will be alright here? You can just come back with us."

"No." He shakes his head. "Parrish and Blue need space."

Gansey wishes that weren't true, but it is, and he wants to let everyone process things the way they need to. He's on the outside with this, he can feel it. But at least Ronan isn't angry at him anymore. Or, not as angry.

"Don't worry, we'll be fine here," Kavinsky says, and Gansey hesitates for a moment, before he moves away from Ronan and gives Kavinsky a hug, too.

"Take care of each other. Call me." He wants to tell them to go to school, too, but he realizes now how dumb that seems.

"Gansey?" He catches his eyes as he lets go of K. "Go see them. Promise me."

Gansey sighs, but he gives Ronan a nod. "I promise, I'll go see them. I'd rather have you there with me, though." He needs Ronan there, it feels like.

"If the others aren't there....I'd come." Ronan can't deal with Adam and Blue right now. If it were just him and Gansey, he would go.

He wants to promise that, but he knows he can't go there without Blue. "She lives there, you that. I want both of you to be there." He wants all of them to be there, but that's looking less and less likely.

He shakes his head. "I can't be there with her. I'm sorry."

"What did she do?" He asks, because he can't imagine Blue would have done something for Ronan to not even want to be around her. He's still so confused.

"It was what I did to her." He steps back. "Go home. Go be with them. They need you."

He wants to argue it, and ask Ronan to please be there, but he doesn't want to force Ronan to do anything he can't do right now. I need you too, he wants to say, but he just gives Ronan a nod. "Alright. But really, call me when you come grab your things. I want to see you." He wants to talk Ronan and Kavinsky into staying, when they go back to Monmouth.

"Thank you for calling the car. I'll check on you both later on. Stay safe."

"Yeah, we'll call." Ronan nods. "We'll be fine here. Safe."

Gansey nods, reaching out to squeeze Ronan's arm. "Alright. I guess I should go now. Car will be waiting. I'll see you soon, ok?" He wants to make sure of it. He looks to Kavinsky, who gives him a nod. He gives them both a once over again, not really wanting to leave, but knowing it's for the best right now. He turns from them and leaves the barn, heading back to the house.

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