(no subject)

[safe_as_life]

The rain starts early in the day, pouring down on Henrietta in sheets. It's the kind of rain that tends to keep people inside, but mostly they're just glad it isn't snow anymore. Spring is approaching quickly and this kind of rainfall is definitely the first sign of it. Gansey doesn't mind that it rains all day long, from first period to last.

It distracts him some, makes him feel nostalgic for things he can't quite put his finger on, and then worried for those same reasons. Then again, he's been a lot more distracted at school lately, not able to concentrate or pick up on his studies as much as usual. He wonders if it has to do with his anticipation to see Blue, because even now, that's all he's thinking about. Rain, the Camaro, Blue Sargent. Somewhere in the back of his head he's constantly thinking about Ronan too, but he supposes that's what best friends do.

By the time the last bell rings though, it's all about Blue. He certainly isn't going to let the rain stop him. Dinner, a movie, possibly sleeping over tonight. Yes, he definitely wants to ask her to sleep over tonight. He grabs his books and neatly puts them away, then goes to meet up with Ronan, Adam and Kavinsky by the front entrance. He has a good feeling about tonight.

Gansey practically races out of his last class, waving when he sees his friends, smiling as he hoists his bag over his shoulder. "Can you believe this rain? All day. Roads must be slippery."

Comments

[fucking_kavinsky]

"He's alive, then. That's all we need to know." All he needs to know at least, he tells himself. The pills should already be kicking in. He made sure to make his dream pills work fast.

Kavinsky would be devastated if he knew that Ronan felt like he should have left it. Everything he did, he did because Ronan had faith in himself, and the plan. And he always has faith in Ronan. Gansey is alive and that's all that should matter in the end. They knew this would happen. They knew everyone would be mad. This isn't a reaction they didn;t anticipate. Kavinsky is used to it though. He's used to the world hating on him. He knows it isn't the same for Ronan. People have loved Ronan all his life. "Always. I'll always be here with you. There isn't a god damn thing that could ever tear me away."

[the_greywaren]

"Come on. Let's warm you up." Inside the barn Ronan finds a soft blanket. It radiates warmth even though it's obviously not an electric blanket. Almost everything here is a dream thing. He wraps it around K's shoulders, his hands rubbing up and down his arms. Thankfully the pills were starting to work and Ronan was starting to relax. A lot. "You feel like a fucking icicle."

[safe_as_life]

He looks out over the fields, shivering. He's been asleep for so long that everything is getting to him now. His memories of what went on before this are filtering back in, and he remembers coming here with Ronan and Kavinsky. He remembers having fun with them, and finally letting himself let loose. He wonders how much of that they did with this other Gansey. A Gansey that is now dead and buried. Did they like him better? Maybe they did.

He rubs at his face, then starts walking, searching over the fields until he gets to the barns and turns that way instead. He doesn't see Ronan anywhere else. This must be where he is. When he pokes his head in, he sees them there. Ronan and Kavinsky, like two headed beasts, curled into each other, one looking more sullen than the other.

He wants to blame Kavinsky. He wants to throw the whole thing on him, because everything changed when Kavinsky came along, and deceitful ideas can only come from someone like him. He wants to tell himself that he'd be the one leading Ronan down a darker path, pulling him away from all his friends. That this was his intention all along. He only wants Ronan in the end.

But when Kavinsky looks up at him, he can see so many other things flashing in those dark eyes. Relief, being one of them. Relief, sadness, hope, relief, like someone looking at a friend, glad to see them alive. Gansey shoves away all those other thoughts, and realizes they're all from jealousy. Ronan did what he gave him permission to do, and Kavinsky followed along. Gansey doesn't blame anyone but himself here.

"Ronan. You ran out of the room so fast, I didn't get to talk to you," Gansey says to Ronan, clearing his throat.

[the_greywaren]

K may have looked at Gansey but Ronan didn't. He couldn't. Tugging the blanket up over his head he rubbed the warmth into his scalp.

"You said enough."

Ronan didn't need or want to hear more. How could you do this? That was all he needed to hear.

"Go home, Gansey."

[safe_as_life]

"I'm not going home until we talk," Gansey insists, because he knows Ronan doesn't always think about consequences, or how people might react to the things he says and does. In that way, he can be very much like Kavinsky, and he wonders how he missed it all, way back when.

"You didn't give me a chance. You woke me up, told me all of what happened and then... how did you expect me to react, Ronan? I was shocked. We need to talk." He looks to Kavinsky, eyes pleading.

Kavinsky sighs, ducking under the blanket with Ronan and Gansey can hear a soft whisper of "Talk to him. He wants to talk, that's a good thing. This is Gansey. Actual Gansey. Talk to him, babe."

[the_greywaren]

Once again K was jumping in to try and fix things for everyone else. He wondered if any of them even realized all the ways his boyfriend had tried to take care of them. There were a lot of not so nice things Ronan thought to say back. Instead he just closed his eyes and sat there shrouded by his blanket, still holding on to K.

"Fine. Talk." He eventually says. Sitting down on a long bench he pulls the blanket around his shoulders.

[safe_as_life]

Gansey isn't quite sure why Ronan is so angry at him, but he figures it's sadness spilling over. Ronan was never really good with that emotion. It all turns to anger in the end. Still, he's been asleep. He doesn't feel he should be getting the brunt of it.

Kavinsky sticks with Ronan, moving with him to the bench, but he curls himself on the other side of him, giving Gansey enough room to sit next to Ronan. Gansey moves to the bench and sits, reaching out to touch Ronan's arm. "I'm alive, Ronan. I didn't die today. I know it feels like I did, but I'm here."

[the_greywaren]

"No. It doesn't feel like you died today." That wasn't the source of his anger or his sadness. "I knew you were still here. You. Not a dream thing." Ronan pulled his arm away and turned to look at Gansey. "Sometimes you are so fucking clueless."

[safe_as_life]

Gansey frowns deeply, glancing at Kavinsky, then back at Ronan again. Sometimes it seems as if he can communicate with Kavinsky better than with Ronan, and if Kavinsky can give him some sort of cues as to what's going on in Ronan's head, he's fully grateful. "Oh... alright. Well... that's good, then."

Except for the clueless part. That part isn't good at all. "Yes, well... I've been asleep for a week, isn't that right? Excuse my cluelessness and fill me in, please. I'm wading around here without much to go on."

[the_greywaren]

"I told you everything." He would have rolled his eyes but he figured the poverty twins had probably said more to Gansey. Obviously as accurately as possible. Of course he would believe them and not Ronan. Hadn't he told him it had only been a few days at most? "I told you, a few days. Today would have been the fourth day."

[safe_as_life]

Gansey stays quiet for a long moment, just watching Ronan. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to make any of this right. "Why are so angry with me?" He wonders if it's because he gave Ronan the go ahead, and now Ronan is regretting things. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you go through with this. I... I should have..." He should have done so many things. He should have pressed Ronan for answers that were more clear. "We should have talked more. I'm sorry I wasn't around."

[the_greywaren]

"Sorry? What the fuck are you sorry for? This was my idea and I don't regret it for a second. I'd do it again tomorrow if I had to." He all but growls the words out. Ronan doesn't regret what he has done. Gansey will live. Losing his friends over it? That hurts. That makes him angry. He was doing it for all of them too. "No one makes me do shit."

Standing up Ronan stepped away from both of them. He needed to move, sitting there was making him feel like he might explode. Looking back at Gansey his blue eyes were full of pain and anger. Mostly pain. "How could you do this? That's what you said to me. That's how you feel about what I did to save your fucking life. You can take that and go fuck off with Adam and Blue. And maybe one day when your sitting in some Georgetown frat house with Parrish or finally kissing the girl you love you'll remember that I did that." He glanced at K. "Fuck that WE did that. Your precious sleeping king didn't save you. The god damn snake everyone hates did. His junkie boyfriend did. Go home, Gansey. Just take your friends and go home."

[safe_as_life]

Gansey is taken aback by Ronan's anger and he just sits there, stunned. He's still reeling from being asleep for days, trying to piece together each and every thing, trying to remember everything that lead up to this. He's still reeling from the thought that they were with this other him, this dream thing, for days and that none of them had a clue. He's still reeling from the fact that Blue kissed this other version of himself, and that Ronan is standing here so angry at him, because of what happened, because of how Gansey had reacted to being gone from the god damn world for days, drugged, away from all of this.

"Ronan," Gansey says, his voice incredulous. But what does he even say? Ronan is telling him to fuck off, telling him that he's being ungrateful, and he wants to be angry about it, wants to be hurt that Ronan is lashing out at him, but he's so tired. He doesn't have it in him. "I'm sorry," he says again, because he didn't mean to accuse Ronan of anything and he hates that Ronan is holding his shock against him. He says I'm sorry because he knows Ronan did what he could for him, and he's not thanking Glendower, or anyone else for it. "Thank you."

He frowns deeply, his heart speeding up, his chest tightening. "You're my friend. You're both my friends. You aren't coming home?"

[the_greywaren]

Thank you. Those two stupid words make him visibly deflate. His anger dissipates and all he has left is hurt. Ronan hates how it feels. Hates feeling the hole growing in his chest. He shakes his head. "I'm staying here."

For now, he thinks, but doesn't say out loud. Ronan isn't sure how long he might stay. Or if he'll go back. His whole life feels like it's been thrown up in the air and he has no idea where anything will land.

"You need to go see the psychics. Sooner than later."

[safe_as_life]

Gansey feels the knot in his throat grow bigger and he knows they're all dealing with their own pain and hurt and everything else, but he suddenly feels like he's being punished. He got knocked out, and he woke up to turmoil, and all his friends hating each other. And Ronan not wanting to come back home.

"You'll come back though, right? We have school, and... all your stuff is there," he says, and it sounds lame, but he's holding on to everything he can. "Chainsaw and Blowtorch?" He wants to say that they all need to sit down and talk about this, but it's too soon. He knows it's too soon, but he's determined not to let this drag on.

He looks at Kavinsky imploringly. "Monmouth is your home. Both of your homes. You don't have to stay here the whole time, alright? Just... take a few days if you want, let things settle, but come home."

The psychics. He wonders what they'll have to say. He's scared to find out.

[the_greywaren]

"I'll be by to get my bird." When no one is home. Ronan doesn't want to risk running into anyone else. He doesn't want to have to try to make small talk or have someone look at him expectantly as if he would say something to make it better. As if he gives a shit about school right now.

Ronan can't look at Gansey right then. He knows he'll cave and go back with them just to make him happy. To make him stop looking like he does right then.

"Go see the psychics, Gansey. Today. Go."

[safe_as_life]

"Ronan, please," Gansey says, wishing he knew what else to say. He doesn't want to force Ronan though and he knows Kavinsky wont either. He hates this. He hates that his prophecies, his life, has torn everyone apart like this. He wishes nothing had been done. He'd rather live out the remainder of his life with them all as friends, getting along, being together, then having it all be like this. The first time his life was saved, Noah died. Now his life might be saved again, and their friendships are being torn apart. He feels useless.

"Alright. I'll go, but... when you come back to Monmouth, please let me know. I want to see you both," he tells them, so they know. He's angry at the situation, at the fact that Blue was hurt and Adam looks like he was torn apart, but he understands where Ronan was coming from as well, and he wishes Ronan would see that, instead of trying to shut him out. Adam and Blue see dream Gansey as just as real as he was, and Gansey feels like Ronan might have as well, because he feels like he's being very dismissed right now, even though he did nothing wrong. "I'll call you tonight, alright? I'll call Kavinsky, if your phone isn't on."

[the_greywaren]

Ronan rubbed his hands over his face and then over the stubble on his head. Gansey is like a puppy. It is impossible to be upset with him or stay upset with him. He doesn't say anything else. Taking a few steps he grabs Gansey by the arm and pulls him into a hug. A tight hug and he keeps him there, not saying a word.

[safe_as_life]

Relief floods through him when Ronan hugs him. He doesn't even need to say anything, but just this, this is good. This is Ronan giving him something more than anger, and it gives Gansey hope. He hugs Ronan back tightly, one hand on his back, the other cradling the back of his head. "Thank you."

[the_greywaren]

He doesn't let go quickly. Ronan had seen him die today. While he knew it was a dream thing it still scared him about the what ifs. What if Gansey really did die? What if this didn't work? He couldn't feel that pain again and have it be real. Ronan presses his face against Gansey's shoulder and stays there. "I'm sorry."

[safe_as_life]

Gansey doesn't really want to let go either, so he doesn't. He holds Ronan there and gives comfort as well as takes it. He can only imagine the turmoil going on inside of Ronan, especially if he had to see him die. "Just don't crawl inside yourself, Ronan. I'm here. We're all here. They just need some time. It's all fresh. I want you around though, alright? You're my friend. My best friend. You're my brother."

[the_greywaren]

When they do pull apart there will be spots on Gansey's shoulders from the stupid tears he couldn't stop. His best friend. His brother. He wished everyone else could understand just what Gansey meant to him. He meant doing everything that everyone else would hate him for if it meant saving his life. Ronan had never told him, the words never felt right coming out, but he loved him. Not like he loves K, but love no less. "They can hate me for the rest of my life as long as your alive."

[safe_as_life]

"They wont hate you, Ronan. They wont. And I don't." Sure, things got a little crazy and he knows he should be mad about being drugged, but seeing Ronan here like this, he can't be mad. All he wants to do is make sure he's alright. He loves Ronan too, so very much. "I know you did this for me, they know it too. They'll thank you later. Just give it time."

[the_greywaren]

"Okay." He didn't know what else to say. "I'll give it time."

[safe_as_life]

Gansey hugs Ronan again, squeezing him. "Are you sure you two will be alright here? You can just come back with us."