What do you know about Welsh kings?

He doesn't have anything to say to that, because everything is still digging far too deeply, and he knows mulling it over and over wont make a bit of difference. He takes the bottle of vodka, taking another sip.

He wonders if Prokopenko got the cars to a safe place. He hopes they shut the fuck up about it.

"They'll be fine. Gansey's there now. Fuck them for now. We did what we had to do." And his certainty in that wont ever change, for as long as Ronan believes it. "You wanna just stay out here, or go to the barns?" Everything is still cold and wet. Kavinsky realizes both of them are still shaking.

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"We can go anywhere as long as they aren't there." He hadn't even realized how wet and cold he was until K mentioned going into the barn. His hands were trembling, skin covered in goosebumps. If he had to stay out here and be cold and wet he would do that before facing any of them in the house.

How could you do this?

Taking the bottle he takes another drink. While Ronan isn't a heavy drug user he needs something. He needs those words out of his head.

"You have anything on you? Pills? I need out of my head."

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"Anywhere you want, sweetheart," He rubs his hand over Ronan's head, pulling him closer, as if that would warm him up any. He hopes it does, a little. "We can do whatever you want."

Of course he has pills. Joseph Kavinsky, the junkie, he always has pills. He kisses Ronan's head and digs into his pocket, pulling out a baggie of assorted pills. "Got this, got some coke, but you probably don't want that right now." He pulls out four dream pills. "How about these. These'll mellow you out, make you feel good." He pops two, holding the other two out for Ronan.

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"I want to feel good." Anything but this. Coke wouldn't help. He took the pills and popped them in his mouth, chasing them down with a gulp of vodka. After a minute he stood up, pulling K up with him. He started walking for one of the barns that was further away from the house. This one had horses.

When they reached the stable he opened the door and lead K inside out of the cold. "Ever ridden a horse?"

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"This'll help you feel good, don't worry. All my drugs make you feel good." He knows that much, because all he's ever tried to chase in life is some kind of good feeling. Something to make him feel alive. Even now, with what he has, he's still reliant on it, and he knows that's what's getting stuck in his head because of what Adam said.

He takes the vodka and downs some of it as well, then gets up with Ronan, sliding an arm around his waist as they walk. He glances back toward the house. He kinda wants to see Gansey, to make sure he's alive, but he knows he'll stay right here with Ronan.

"A horse? No.... actually, I haven't." He's never really had a chance to, or gone out of his way to, before.

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Ronan catches him looking back and stops. Shit. He hadn't even thought of that. K should have seen him alive. All he had done was to help Ronan save his life. He should have at least seen that he was in fact still breathing. He took a deep breath.

"Go." He says to K. "Go back to the house. Go see him. I know you need to."

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Kavinsky furrows his eyebrows, looking at Ronan, then shakes his head. "No. No, it's okay. What the fuck am I gonna say anyway, you know?" He shrugs. "I don't know. They wont want me there." And honestly, he doesn't want to see all that friendship being revoked. He knows he was forced on them in the first place and now... well, now they have every excuse to hate him.

"Just show me the horses, ok? I'd rather be here with you."

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"You don't have to say a damn thing. I know you need to see that we didn't kill him." Ronan rubs his hands up and down K's arms. Over his shoulders and up the side of his neck until he is holding his face in his hand and looking in his eyes. "You saved his life, K. You did. You kept me alive. You were here for all of us the second we needed you." He gives him a quick kiss. "You are fucking everything to me and today you were even more than that. I'm so fucking proud of you and impressed with everything you've done. Even if you did it high. I don't give a fuck. They shouldn't either. We needed you and you were there."

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"You saw him, right? He was awake, okay. I trust you. I trust that he's okay, because you saw him." And that's all he knows how to deal with right now. Seeing Gansey, it's a want, but it's not something he thinks he can face anyway. He doesnt' know what to feel, or what to think, until Ronan looks him in the eye and tells him that he's proud of him. That helps patch up the small holes that are threatening to tear through him. He nods, tugging Ronan closer. "I needed to hear that. Thanks. You did good too, Ronan. We pulled it off. We really did it. God damn it, we should be damn proud of ourselves."

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"Yeah." Ronan nods, his eyes looking even more vacant. "I saw him." Saw him. Heard him. Ronan couldn't wait for those pills to start working. Couldn't wait for them to get out of his house so he could go curl up in bed.

He wasn't there yet, where he could agree with K. More and more he was feeling like he should have just left it alone. Let fate run its course and take Gansey from them. Because he had done this, they had done this, and saved his life and look at how that turned out. "Thank you for being here with me."

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"He's alive, then. That's all we need to know." All he needs to know at least, he tells himself. The pills should already be kicking in. He made sure to make his dream pills work fast.

Kavinsky would be devastated if he knew that Ronan felt like he should have left it. Everything he did, he did because Ronan had faith in himself, and the plan. And he always has faith in Ronan. Gansey is alive and that's all that should matter in the end. They knew this would happen. They knew everyone would be mad. This isn't a reaction they didn;t anticipate. Kavinsky is used to it though. He's used to the world hating on him. He knows it isn't the same for Ronan. People have loved Ronan all his life. "Always. I'll always be here with you. There isn't a god damn thing that could ever tear me away."

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"Come on. Let's warm you up." Inside the barn Ronan finds a soft blanket. It radiates warmth even though it's obviously not an electric blanket. Almost everything here is a dream thing. He wraps it around K's shoulders, his hands rubbing up and down his arms. Thankfully the pills were starting to work and Ronan was starting to relax. A lot. "You feel like a fucking icicle."

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He looks out over the fields, shivering. He's been asleep for so long that everything is getting to him now. His memories of what went on before this are filtering back in, and he remembers coming here with Ronan and Kavinsky. He remembers having fun with them, and finally letting himself let loose. He wonders how much of that they did with this other Gansey. A Gansey that is now dead and buried. Did they like him better? Maybe they did.

He rubs at his face, then starts walking, searching over the fields until he gets to the barns and turns that way instead. He doesn't see Ronan anywhere else. This must be where he is. When he pokes his head in, he sees them there. Ronan and Kavinsky, like two headed beasts, curled into each other, one looking more sullen than the other.

He wants to blame Kavinsky. He wants to throw the whole thing on him, because everything changed when Kavinsky came along, and deceitful ideas can only come from someone like him. He wants to tell himself that he'd be the one leading Ronan down a darker path, pulling him away from all his friends. That this was his intention all along. He only wants Ronan in the end.

But when Kavinsky looks up at him, he can see so many other things flashing in those dark eyes. Relief, being one of them. Relief, sadness, hope, relief, like someone looking at a friend, glad to see them alive. Gansey shoves away all those other thoughts, and realizes they're all from jealousy. Ronan did what he gave him permission to do, and Kavinsky followed along. Gansey doesn't blame anyone but himself here.

"Ronan. You ran out of the room so fast, I didn't get to talk to you," Gansey says to Ronan, clearing his throat.

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K may have looked at Gansey but Ronan didn't. He couldn't. Tugging the blanket up over his head he rubbed the warmth into his scalp.

"You said enough."

Ronan didn't need or want to hear more. How could you do this? That was all he needed to hear.

"Go home, Gansey."

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"I'm not going home until we talk," Gansey insists, because he knows Ronan doesn't always think about consequences, or how people might react to the things he says and does. In that way, he can be very much like Kavinsky, and he wonders how he missed it all, way back when.

"You didn't give me a chance. You woke me up, told me all of what happened and then... how did you expect me to react, Ronan? I was shocked. We need to talk." He looks to Kavinsky, eyes pleading.

Kavinsky sighs, ducking under the blanket with Ronan and Gansey can hear a soft whisper of "Talk to him. He wants to talk, that's a good thing. This is Gansey. Actual Gansey. Talk to him, babe."

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Once again K was jumping in to try and fix things for everyone else. He wondered if any of them even realized all the ways his boyfriend had tried to take care of them. There were a lot of not so nice things Ronan thought to say back. Instead he just closed his eyes and sat there shrouded by his blanket, still holding on to K.

"Fine. Talk." He eventually says. Sitting down on a long bench he pulls the blanket around his shoulders.

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Gansey isn't quite sure why Ronan is so angry at him, but he figures it's sadness spilling over. Ronan was never really good with that emotion. It all turns to anger in the end. Still, he's been asleep. He doesn't feel he should be getting the brunt of it.

Kavinsky sticks with Ronan, moving with him to the bench, but he curls himself on the other side of him, giving Gansey enough room to sit next to Ronan. Gansey moves to the bench and sits, reaching out to touch Ronan's arm. "I'm alive, Ronan. I didn't die today. I know it feels like I did, but I'm here."

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"No. It doesn't feel like you died today." That wasn't the source of his anger or his sadness. "I knew you were still here. You. Not a dream thing." Ronan pulled his arm away and turned to look at Gansey. "Sometimes you are so fucking clueless."

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Gansey frowns deeply, glancing at Kavinsky, then back at Ronan again. Sometimes it seems as if he can communicate with Kavinsky better than with Ronan, and if Kavinsky can give him some sort of cues as to what's going on in Ronan's head, he's fully grateful. "Oh... alright. Well... that's good, then."

Except for the clueless part. That part isn't good at all. "Yes, well... I've been asleep for a week, isn't that right? Excuse my cluelessness and fill me in, please. I'm wading around here without much to go on."

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"I told you everything." He would have rolled his eyes but he figured the poverty twins had probably said more to Gansey. Obviously as accurately as possible. Of course he would believe them and not Ronan. Hadn't he told him it had only been a few days at most? "I told you, a few days. Today would have been the fourth day."

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Gansey stays quiet for a long moment, just watching Ronan. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to make any of this right. "Why are so angry with me?" He wonders if it's because he gave Ronan the go ahead, and now Ronan is regretting things. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you go through with this. I... I should have..." He should have done so many things. He should have pressed Ronan for answers that were more clear. "We should have talked more. I'm sorry I wasn't around."

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"Sorry? What the fuck are you sorry for? This was my idea and I don't regret it for a second. I'd do it again tomorrow if I had to." He all but growls the words out. Ronan doesn't regret what he has done. Gansey will live. Losing his friends over it? That hurts. That makes him angry. He was doing it for all of them too. "No one makes me do shit."

Standing up Ronan stepped away from both of them. He needed to move, sitting there was making him feel like he might explode. Looking back at Gansey his blue eyes were full of pain and anger. Mostly pain. "How could you do this? That's what you said to me. That's how you feel about what I did to save your fucking life. You can take that and go fuck off with Adam and Blue. And maybe one day when your sitting in some Georgetown frat house with Parrish or finally kissing the girl you love you'll remember that I did that." He glanced at K. "Fuck that WE did that. Your precious sleeping king didn't save you. The god damn snake everyone hates did. His junkie boyfriend did. Go home, Gansey. Just take your friends and go home."

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Gansey is taken aback by Ronan's anger and he just sits there, stunned. He's still reeling from being asleep for days, trying to piece together each and every thing, trying to remember everything that lead up to this. He's still reeling from the thought that they were with this other him, this dream thing, for days and that none of them had a clue. He's still reeling from the fact that Blue kissed this other version of himself, and that Ronan is standing here so angry at him, because of what happened, because of how Gansey had reacted to being gone from the god damn world for days, drugged, away from all of this.

"Ronan," Gansey says, his voice incredulous. But what does he even say? Ronan is telling him to fuck off, telling him that he's being ungrateful, and he wants to be angry about it, wants to be hurt that Ronan is lashing out at him, but he's so tired. He doesn't have it in him. "I'm sorry," he says again, because he didn't mean to accuse Ronan of anything and he hates that Ronan is holding his shock against him. He says I'm sorry because he knows Ronan did what he could for him, and he's not thanking Glendower, or anyone else for it. "Thank you."

He frowns deeply, his heart speeding up, his chest tightening. "You're my friend. You're both my friends. You aren't coming home?"

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Thank you. Those two stupid words make him visibly deflate. His anger dissipates and all he has left is hurt. Ronan hates how it feels. Hates feeling the hole growing in his chest. He shakes his head. "I'm staying here."

For now, he thinks, but doesn't say out loud. Ronan isn't sure how long he might stay. Or if he'll go back. His whole life feels like it's been thrown up in the air and he has no idea where anything will land.

"You need to go see the psychics. Sooner than later."

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